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| Pretty sure that's K.O. right there. |
It has been a few years since the events occurred, so I feel comfortable discussing them. I returned to BYU the summer of 2010 after my mission. I decided to dwell in Wyview as I had during freshman year. I was glad to get back into the swing of things. Of course, that included socializing, social media, etc. One day, my roommate thought it would be funny to update my Facebook status to something along the lines of "I have the biggest crush on the girl across the street". Normally, I find it funny. The funniness only lasted before my neighbor informed me that one of the girls actually thought it was referring to her and started saying things such as "I hope it's not me" and some other possibly not-so-kind things I won't write here. I didn't do anything about it because I figured no harm done.
Truth be told, I didn't know her very well. I vaguely recall doing a slow dance with her at one of the BYU dances and she happened to be in my ward that summer. Just a silly misunderstanding. That is, until someone overestimated her own worth and pretended that she was being eyed on by someone she barely knows; instead of the other way around. What did I do? Nothing. Simply never talk to her, even today.
April of 2011 was another time when I felt I was unjustly judged because of the imagination (or lack of logic) of some women's heads. Those who knew me were aware of my busy schedule. I hop between work and school with plenty of pit stops in the HBLL (the main library at BYU). At the time, I recently got out of a relationship and was more than happy to talk to anyone I recognize in order to not think about her (on a side note, we did make up eventually, so that's good :) ).
There was one woman, who I home taught freshman year, that I started to bump into frequently and became acquainted with her younger sister. The problem started when I received a Facebook message, around finals week, from her younger sister stating that the older sister is creeped out because they believe I'm stalking her and made it clear that she's interested in another man. She "politely" asked me to stop seeing her sister.
What is wrong with this picture?
- I was a regular at the HBLL. The fact that I didn't bump into them until April suggests they are bandwagon library goers who only utilize the facility during major examinations such as finals.
- I was also recently out of a relationship and was in no mood to start again.
- The fact that they don't see me after that message is because the semester was over NOT because they were right about being stalked, etc. My spring/summer schedules are vastly different from normal semesters. I left town with Ammon on a road trip afterwards.
There are more examples of these scenarios even after 2011. What's my point? Yes, women have anxieties when it comes to abuses and violences because they experience them more often than men. To the point where fear can become unrighteous judgment to those around them, stunting them not only spiritually, socially, but emotionally. What can we do to change that besides teaching people correct principles and hope they govern themselves? NOTHING. The fact everyone has choices in how to proceed in dealing with others makes it difficult to overhaul anything,.
Dangers are out there. This is why the Savior counseled us to be as wise as serpents but harmless as doves (Matthew 10:16).
Random 30-second Google searches:
[A quick search shows about 20% of women (about 31 million if using 314 million as US population and simply use 50% as cutoff) have experienced rape, and their various forms, in the USA. It will also indicate about 4.5% (about 7 million) of men committed rapes in the USA, which is roughly the same number for men who were raped by women. Then, there's the uncommon men raping men at about 1.5% (about 4 million). When I mesh all these numbers together, I get a ratio of 3:1 when it comes to women to men raped in our country. Truth is, the actual numbers are probably higher. The good news is the majority of the crimes are committed by a minority of people. The bad news is, it is still too high.]
I don't enjoy being labeled or assumed to be someone with ill-intentions. Perhaps this isn't just a #YesAllWomen problem, but everyone's issue. I think one of the reasons why most women have higher anxiety, besides actual violence, is because of upbringing. The media reports these atrocities. Parents warn their daughters about the potential dangers. A girl has had that in the back of her mind since the day she became a teenager. As for a boy, that isn't the case. Has any guy received the same lecture about avoid being raped, etc. from their parents or heard many stories in the media about the said scenarios on men? Probably not. It isn't as common as the usual female victimized by a male, but yet, still in the millions.
With such disturbing trends, is it a wonder that we can't have normal interactions with each other? Like racism, I personally believe we would make more progress if we take an united approach versus a segregated one. If US politics hasn't taught us anything, I hope everyone realizes that when issues become "us vs. them" situations, they go nowhere.
There are those who seek progress to improve lives. There are those who seek progress to exact revenge (or push away responsibilities). Then, there are those who seek progress to bandwagon without ever actually knowing anything. Choose your side.
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