Rollercoaster Ride

Sometimes, life feels like that.

From time and again, I feel awesome the one day and terrible the next.  Then, I become rather happy to become completely depressed.  Such is life and its trails.  The funny thing is, I understand the principles of self-worth and the fact that the we tend to judge ourselves worse than we imagine.

Let's face it.  I am 97.5% certain that people feel like that about themselves.  They feel that they are not of worth and in turn, making another person feels the same.  It's probably not on purpose, but guys and girls refuse to see themselves as a person with potential or of interest.

So, what do they do?  They inevitably hurt those around them.  It's an endless vicious cycle.  And thus we see how hard Satan is working in the hearts of men in the latter days.  When I say men, I meant the women too.

For some strange reason, with the exception of the proud, we put ourselves in denial of self-worth and insist on the fact that we are simply not good enough or don't deserve good things.  More interestingly, this mentality seems to dominate the field of personal relationships.  Manifestations of the said issue includes but not limited to romance, family, friends, etc.  I should also point out the phenomenon that these low self-esteem ideals tend to not affect our materialism in this life.

Why is this important?  Because relationships often shape who we become and the characters we develop in this life are one of the few things we can take away with us into the next life.  By destroying the sense of self-worth, we no longer progress.

Here are some typical scenarios of the low self-esteem mentality that I have encountered in my short 23 years:

• I don't think I deserve/could have a nice guy/girl for a companion
• For the rejected: perhaps I'm just not good enough; sometimes this category coincide with the situation above
• I could never have a strong family/faith, etc
• I don't have friends, etc.
• I won't achieve anything in life

Just as a confession, more than one of those things above apply to me.  A person may seem happy-go-lucky, but deep down, that person is hiding some sort of self-inflicted sorrow.

Before you think about how this DOESN'T apply to you, you should think again.  Most people are vulnerable.  We all have heard about how God loves us and have been reminded of our worth.  Unfortunately, those words never sank into our hearts.  We still hold onto the belief that "I'm an exception".  Sometimes, I feel there are two types of people in the Telestial Glory: those who weren't such good people and those who believe that they are worthless.

As Brad Wilcox mentioned, Christ would be begging for us to abide with him, but our own choices and His righteous judgments will ultimately drive us out of God's presence.

What's the point of me writing about this after not blogging for two weeks?  I've been thinking, that's why.

Perhaps the next time you met a nice guy or girl who is interested in you, unless you are genuinely not interested, think about why you are not interested? 

Maybe when you got turned down, you should realize that it's not all you, it's partially them as well?

Maybe you should read your baptismal, temple covenants, etc again if you are feeling unworthy?  If you didn't break the commandments, why droop?

Perhaps look at the people around you, you probably have more friends than you think.  Friends are about quality not quantity.  Knowing a lot of people is called networking.

If you feel you are not going anywhere in life, find out what needs to be changed.  There are more people that are willing to guide and help you than you think.

Bottom line is, I feel we sometimes put ourselves in a position where we have unrealistic images of others and of our own beings.  I truly wish we can understand and love each other for who we are and not the false images we place on each other and ourselves.

It's a Magical World!

It's finally winter!

Wow...I totally haven't updated my blog for two weeks!  That's terrible.  I'm usually not this bad at it, but school got busy and I forgot about updating the blogs-sphere about my "exciting" adventures.

I will just highlight a few things that happened during this past 2 weeks because I can't remember what happened exactly, except for the events today.

It turned out that my first test scores were fairly decent.  They could have been better, but alas, I received what I received.

I started working out again this past two weeks.  While I don't exercise daily, I managed to get a decent amount of work out in a week.  I'm also glad to say that I'm not as scrawny as I thought I was.  I'm actually approaching 150lbs!  At least it's better than my norm, which happens to be around 130s during my high school and first year back from my mission.

I missed out on a lot of parties this week, but the one I didn't miss was Kelli's birthday bash.  It was great to be able to talk to people and interact.  I felt bad for leaving because I was tired.  Then, I went back to the party after a much needed nap.

I think I'm beginning to develop some sort of tolerance towards caffeine...It's taking a larger dose to help me

The Dew!  It will consume me one day!!

achieve the same effect.  In fact, I feel like the effects are delayed in such a way that I end up not sleeping on Saturday night.  Whatever the case, I hope I will find a better way to deal with the ugly Saturday morning shifts.

My best moments this weeks has to be gaining a better understanding toward the concept of prayer.  In addition to that, I think I've had a good number of opportunities to serve those around me.  I felt like a useful human being.

I love talking to people.  Stacey is going to hook me up with some places where I can get the art supplies I've wanted for a while.  I had a decently long conversation with Sarah tonight as well.  It's amazing how people's stories reveal a whole new side to them that has been kept hidden from the world's eyes.  I almost feel like I was doing my own little version of the Story Trek.

Anyways, the Valentine's card is complete and I shall wait and see the fruit of my labors.

Quarter Mark

As crazy as it sounds, 1/4 of the semester is over!

They see me rollin', they hatin'

So, what exactly happened this week?  To be honest, I can't recall the exact details.

FHE didn't happen according to plans this past Monday because of weather, but we are still going to a bishopric member's house tomorrow.

I didn't do as awesome as I hoped for on my physics exam.  That's definitely a cue to put together study groups or more time on studying.

Work was boring when I didn't have to deal with live events.  BYU lost the games, but at least I got paid.

I didn't take my usual nap on Friday night since Nat, my friend Christine's husband, needed someone to play as a character in his short film for his project.  It took a grand total of 3 hours to half the footage he wanted.  It was cold that night mainly because we were outside, exposed to the elements, for an extended period of time.

My Saturday overnight shift is never productive due to the amount of time required to transfer files for checking.  At least, I did something, right?

Ward conference was somewhat of a continuation from last week's fireside.  I visited my friends, did my home teaching, and planned FHE.  I felt it was a productive Sabbath.  Although, I think I could have done a little more homework than I have ended up doing.  I only winded up reading about 30 some pages of stuff needed for tomorrow and I didn't even touch my physics lab stuff!

Come to think of it, I need to do laundry, etc.  Dang, life just got busy.

Change of Emphasis

 You know, this past week has been one of the best weeks I've had in a while.  I had the opportunity to go on a great date with one of Taylor's friends.  Her name was Arbor.  I never got her real name, but then again, maybe that is her real name.  I did not know he was such a romantic when it comes to dating, but hey, I ain't complaining about the amount of details he put into things for those he cares about.  Work has been straight forward and not much of interest needs to be mentioned there.

It's the Year of the Dragon

Tomorrow is the Chinese New Year I believe.  I haven't had a lunar calendar with me for some time, so I have no idea which day it is.

I did have the opportunity to talk to my uncle for a lengthy period on Friday night before my 2am shift.  Speaking of which, I must have done something wrong because I was stupidly tired by the time I was done with it.

I wished my sister a happy birthday!  She turned 16 this weekend.

The other highlight this weekend had to be the fireside.  I joked about how I hate them because I dislike dressing up for a moment, but overall, I like them simply because I generally pick out some insights from the speakers.

Write, write, write...

We usually pray for our personal progress and those who are close to us.  While we understand the importance of helping others, I believe we seldom pray for the opportunity to help them.  It's funny because being anxiously engaged in good causes has been mentioned in D&C and I can recall a talk by President Uchtdorf that mentioned sometimes we should get off our knees and serve.

Perhaps our priorities and emphases have been misplaced?  At any rate, I'm gonna try this experiment and see if my life becomes better and brighter.

I do silly things sometimes.  They can range from picking out a "glamor shot" for Sarah, say something ridiculous at Kelli, etc .  If that made them smile, by all means, it's a good moment.  I'm not sure how I could lift others up while passing through the tunnels of life, but I suppose trying won't hurt.  Above all, I hope I'm not annoying people by "visiting" them.

I also managed to write 3 letters to my missionary friends today.  It's been a while, but it's better late than never, right?

One more thing, I need to test a theory out...soon.

Bright Outlook

So, it came to pass that I finished another week of school.  I'm starting to fall behind in doing the "optional" homework and I'm not amused by that fact.  On the brighter side, this week has been one of the most satisfying weeks in my life in a while.

I did well on my quizzes this week and work was a breeze for the most part.  Having the right company made the difference.  I especially loved this Saturday night's shift when I had JMF, Shannon, Marcus, Heather, and Brian with me.  Of course, let's not forget Cade, but I feel like we've long been drifting apart.  It's sad but true.

Holy crap, giant parrot!

This Friday was the 13th!  I spent my time with my roommates at the temple.  I haven't been there for months!  The feeling of being at the temple helped stabilize the temperamental surges I tend to get from time to time this past semester.  Suddenly, everything just seems brighter and better.  This is true especially when I received some council from the scriptures about the events that have been unfolding around me.

My wrist did eventually heal as the week progressed.  I must say, I also had an opportunity that was almost never in my considerations when I deal with people.  At any rate, I shall find out tomorrow what I feel about the decision that I made earlier this week.

Sunday was great!  I managed to get most of my home teaching done and met the people in my new FHE group.  Even though I may not be at FHE 100% of the time tomorrow, I'm sure people will be glad we even had an activity going.  I visited people as usual and glad they were all doing great.

Nic invited me over for dinner with his family tonight.  Boy, I have not been at a family setting for ages.  It was a nice change of scenery and different feel altogether.

Tess's roommates held a birthday party for her tonight.  I thought it was very awesome of them to do it for their roommates.  Life is so much more awesome when you are surrounded by great people.  Now, the only thing left for me to do is start training for a marathon.  I think I can do it.  I wonder if it's too late to sign up for it.  Anyways, I would love to be able to run 26 miles nonstop at my own pace.

Other than that...MORE HOMEWORK tomorrow before I can go out for dinner at night!

Off to a Bad Start

Sometimes, life tosses some interesting curve balls at you and you are not sure whether you should laugh it off or be angry.  Or in my case, utterly confused.  I suppose it's a measure to make me more appreciative of the things around me in life.

Ever had one of these guys hit your head...?

First week of school: tolerable.  I am actually excited for my classes.  I am taking all major classes this semester.  They seem challenging, but I'm sure everything will turn out okay.  I actually have more time to do homework and study this time.

On a work-related note, I have some rather unpleasant shifts this Winter.  Luckily, the 2-6am shift was actually not as bad as I thought.  Apparently, it's harder for me to handle a 12-6am or start at 4am.  The luckiest part is that I work with coworkers I like during the rough Saturday, so I don't think I will rage as much as I first believed.

I also started volunteering at a Chinese-immersion program at Wasatch Elementary School.  I was surprised by how much Chinese the first graders know.  In fact, they were better than some returned missionaries I've met.

Sunday had a rough start.  I'm not sure what happened, but the area surrounding my right pisiform hurt a lot when I woke up.  I searched around for some sports medicine I might have in my suitcase (no luck :( ) and the iron on my top shelf fell off and hit my head.  That was not fun.

I managed to take some painkillers from my stash and also from Ariel.  They didn't make the pain disappear, but sure made it somewhat tolerable.

As usual, I visited the folks around the ward and then proceeded to watch a CES Fireside with my friends plus a movie afterward with my roommates.

I had to decline some of the activities along the way...or at least delay them because my wrist hurts.  In fact, my wrist hurts right now trying to type each letter of the plot.

I got my ecclesiastical endorsement done today.  The new online system is quite convenient, but also very anti-climatic.  Well, they can't be all gems.

Anyhow, I'm still grateful for the wonderful people I'm surrounded by and the care they've shown toward me.

Dawn of the Year: Reflections

It's here!

It's been a couple of days since I've written anything here.  I have been busy with work and some errands.  Let's face it, it was New Year's, you honestly could not expect me to be around.  To sum up the past few days quickly, I had the opportunity to hang out and do things with Ammon on New Year's Eve.

I taught Sunday School this Sunday and I felt I did a decent job.  It was a miracle in itself when the hour block was filled with meaningful discussions.

Looking back at 2011, I learned a lot from my experiences.  I hope I am much wiser than I was a year ago and will not repeat the same mistakes again.  I realized I was emotionally-driven.  It was one of the key factors to my rash decisions earlier this year.  On the positive side, I did get a better feel for what I what to become in life.

My goal for this year is to progress further in my schooling and become a more likable person who makes good use of his time for himself and others.

There are new people moving into the ward, that should be a great opportunity to make new friends and perhaps new adventures.  I am really excited about my classes for Winter Semester, but I won't have a day to sleep in at all...  Well, we'll see how it all plays out.

Also, I get to go home in May!  I haven't been there for a couple of years (again) now.