Lessons From Roommates: Conflicts

Looks familiar?

I'm sure y'all enjoyed last week's entry because it was the most popular and perhaps the happiest one I've ever written. Hate to disappoint you folks, but this week's topic is not as auspicious. In fact, it is the exact opposite.

I felt it was appropriate to write about this topic while we blow over the last BYU vs. Utah game for several years and listening to my 50's-60's music playlist.

I'm going to talk about a common occurrence with the people you live with: conflict. The following event happened a couple of weeks ago. I've described myself as the "angry uncle" of the house before. However, this is probably the first time I went all-out yelling at a housemate because I was sick and tired of his messiness and inconsideration. Just a spoiler, we did resolve this peacefully and everything has been running smoothly, with a few minor kinks here and there, since the confrontation.

A quick background: I'm in the MLS program here at BYU, so I'm rather busy most of the times. (Ironically, I actually sleep more than I did in previous semesters and even this past summer break.) One night, I wanted to cook some dinner and take a break from studying. Like usual, the sink had a variety of used utensils in it. I haven't complained too much about doing the dishes since I'm the person who's usually home upstairs. My two other roommates (there are actually six of us; three downstairs and three up) usually help along if I ask them too.

That very night, I planned on washing a few of those dishes and move on to dinner. Suddenly, I realized the water was filling up. We don't have a garbage disposal for our sink, so filling up was always a bad sign. I quickly moved some of the dirty stuff aside and tried to figure out what was obstructing the drain. When I did, I found...POTATO PEELS. Loads of them. Naturally, due to stress and somewhat lack of sleep, I flipped out and spent the next half an hour trying to clear the drain. I had a clear idea who was the culprit.

When the said culprit returned home, I went into rage mode. I will spare you the details of the horrible things I've said. We are guys and close friends for the most part; this tactic is not recommended for the roommate you barely know or if you are a woman with female roommates. The gist of my angry outburst was how I didn't mind washing the dishes, but I get pissed off when things get complicated because I don't have very much free time to deal with shenanigans. After insulting (truthfully) and point out every single ridiculousness he's pulled around the house plus threats of physical violence, I let him know that I was only angry because I cared and most people wouldn't bother confronting him and would simply consider him a slob or a prick in the long run.

Of course, I did apologize to him later on. I related the incident with some of my other roommates. My (second) cousin pointed out that the culprit would eventually learn since he's 22, to which I dismissed as bull crap. The Voice of Reason, however, told me how I always occupied the living room upstairs with my stuff.

To understand that comment, you would have to understand about Miller, where we lived last year. Yes, the dreaded Miller Apartments. The apartment space there were so small (for six people) that if my cousin was in the room we shared, I would essentially have no room for myself. That was not a fat joke. There was simply not enough room to maneuver unless I wanted to sit on my bed and do my homework, etc. That, has never been efficient for me.

Anyways, it would appear that I didn't break the habit when we moved into the more spacious "Pinecone". When I first heard it from that roommate, I immediately retorted with nobody in the house ever told me about it (the truth was, they probably did at some point, but I spaced). He responded he didn't want to start an  argument with me too.

I realized then, that there are many times in our lives we don't get approached or approaching others about their "annoying" behaviors. We allow a person to continue his/her little menacing with no apprehension. The result? The said person is hated by more people in the future due to the same thing. While I don't recommend going around to strangers and voice your opinions about their behaviors all the time, I do believe this apply to people we know very well.

How is this relevant? Parents these days often do this. They don't tell their children no. I'm not talking about the right and wrong. I'm talking about certain social and courtesy cues. A blog post I've read a while back touched base with similar situations where ignorance gave off the illusion that an entire city was being mean and rude to you when it's really you that's the problem. Remember the NYC stereotype? Perhaps you should read about it here.

What did I learn from this episode? Having close friends as roommates is the perfect time to find character flaws and improve. Whether it's you or your roommates, having the experience definitely allows you to take a closer examination at your own selves. For me, little realizations like this could help me with future roommate situations when I graduate and maybe even marriage.

Don't be afraid to speak out to those you are close to or love. It'll save you a lot of awkward or heated confrontations with someone else (or the above mentioned persons) later. Sometimes, it's not easy to see what you are doing is actually bothering people.