All these free time has allowed me to spend time thinking about life and the trails that we come across in our daily lives. I came across a song I used to listen to a couple of years ago. Granted, it is a more stylized translation, but I thought it described many people's struggles in this increasingly crazy world. So, if you recognize the song/poem, good for you! If not, there is a YouTube video featuring a cover of the song below to jog your memory. :)
The lines to the song will be bold in quotes, so you won't be confused by what I'm getting at. I will also add my own personal takes in bold italics. Scriptural references will be in parenthetical citations. Just remember that they are not direct quotes unless specified otherwise.
This is just the musings of a twenty-four-year old man. You don't have to take it seriously. It may benefit you to read this post if you understand LDS theology. I will be using mostly Book of Mormon references, so get your scriptures ready if you need them. For more information, you may refer to mormon.org or lds.org.
"Ever on and on I continue circling with nothing but my hate in a carousel of agony..."
Interestingly enough, people tend to do that when they don't have a direction in life. This was pointed out in the First Presidency Message for June by President Dieter F. Uchtdorf (Ensign, June 2013). When we don't have a vision in our lives, we stop progressing, which defeats the purpose of the Plan of Salvation.
This is a dangerous mindset to be in. I'm not going to pretend I've never felt this way before due to various circumstances in life, but the main point is how do we know which way to go? Keep this in mind and perhaps you may want to brainstorm for a bit before you continue reading this post.
"Till slowly I forget and my heart starts vanishing and suddenly I see that I can't break free."
Often, when we sink into despair, our emotions tend to trump our logic. When we forget the greater picture, we start to pull inward and figuratively (and perhaps literally?) become self-absorbed. When we forget that as long as we remember Him, His Spirit will be with us, we give up one of the most precious gifts the Father has to offer to His children (3 Nephi 18:7, 11).
Remembrance is an important act of faith. At least, I would like to think so. The Spirit cannot touch those who harden their hearts. When we harden our hearts, we cannot receive the promptings of the Spirit, and we are forced to rely on our own judgment: imperfect and prone to lean towards sin over time (Alma 12:35). The end result is that we not only stop progressing, but also regress.
"I'm slipping through the cracks of a dark eternity with nothing but my pain and the paralyzing agony to tell me who I am, who I was uncertainty enveloping my mind till I can't break free..."
People make mistakes, it's being human. Unfortunately, there are groups that profit off sufferings of others. Ironically, the said groups seek to convert us into miserable beings like them. Perhaps the most notable of them all is the fallen angel who is now known as Satan. He seeks your downfall because he is miserable (2 Nephi 2:18, 27).
For every sin short of denying the Holy Ghost, there is always the opportunity to repent. Repentance is not a weakness or sign of inferiority. It is an essential step in God's plan for our salvation. While some of us may feel that their lives are lost causes, it is important to realize that The Lord would rather have us have a change of heart in this life of probation so He can heal us than whither away in our self-inflicted agony (2 Nephi 2:21, 3 Nephi 9:13).
I do want to point out, though, that we still have to live with the physical consequences of our actions. Repentance helps us retain that remission of sins (Moroni 8:25), but it certainly is not the pixie dust that makes all our problems disappear in an instant.
Fun fact: of all the Standard Works of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, the word repentance is used the most in the Book of Mormon.
"And maybe it's a dream; maybe nothing else is real, but it wouldn't mean a thing if I told you how I feel."
That sounded like a sappy love song. In a romantic sense, it is clear as mud; meaning, you are on your own, mate. If I was an expert in this matter, I wouldn't be single right now. lol
Oftentimes, many of us feel alone and helpless when trails or turmoil hit us. It would be nice if all our problems were like dreams and we could sleep them off like we did in our childhood. Like our teenage selves, we also believe that nobody knows how we are feeling or understand us.
It is a hard concept to grasp, but the Savior does understand. It is one of the very reason why He came down to Earth to perform the Atonement, which allows Him to make that intercession between us and God (Mosiah 15:9). I don't know the mechanism behind how Christ was able to take up the sins of the world, but we put our faith in Christ because He can deliver us out of our misery if we choose to let Him.
Prayer is the way which we can communicate with God. We do so in the name of the Savior. We are commanded to pray always, so He can help us in our daily lives (2 Nephi 32:9). In short, it does mean something when you communicate through prayer. We have a divine heritage and the divine did not put us down here to merely suffer.
"So I'm tired of all the pain, of the misery inside, and I wish that I could live feeling nothing but the night.
It is written that we are responsible for our own actions and our own challenges in life (Galatians 6:5). Yes, accountability is an important principle we learn in mortality. We have to own up to our deeds. It is part of becoming an adult and eternal progression.
Let's face it, at one point in my life, I wished that my life was a huge tragedy. Why? I'm not sure. I suppose the concept of being a tragic hero is attractive when under the influence of self-pity and giving up. But as a wise man once said: Life is to be enjoyed, not just endured (Gordon B. Hinckley, 1996).
Remember, even during some of his darkest hours in Liberty Jail, The Lord comforted Joseph Smith with this concept (D&C 121:8).
"You can tell me what to say; you can tell me where to go, but I doubt that I would care, and my heart would never know."
An advice most needed is least heeded. I believe that if we can overcome the barrier of 'No Way', we can make it a lot further in life. As a person who's been in this trap, I understand how we like to justify our own self-imposed limitation and self-fulfilling prophesies on how life is going to suck. When we do go down that road, however, there is something inside us that may wonder what if we actually followed the advice in the first place.
Another situation described in these lines is spiritual apathy (3 Nephi 2:1). Never under estimate the power of simple things, even if it's a simple change in attitude. There is a whole article about it in the January 2012 issue of the Ensign written by Adam Olson.
"If I make another move there'll be no more turning back because everything will change, and it all will fade to black."
It is natural to be afraid of the unknown. Many people in the world believe the Gospel of Jesus Christ to be old-fashioned and out of touch with societal changes. Well, they are correct about the old-fashioned part because eternal principles have existed...well, they just are! While the gospel seems out of place in the modern age, it is possible to live under its protective guidance within reason and without going extreme.
It won't fade to black if you choose the better path. Don't fall into the belief that you are worthless and the situation cannot change. The Lord constantly beckons us to turn to Him. The signs may be spiritual promptings or even divine interventions. More often than not, they are in the form of people who show us compassion and charity (Helaman 7:16-17).
Basically, let go of irrational fears. Whether you are a member of the LDS faith or someone with different sets of beliefs, life is what you make of it. There will be difficulties and even unfortunate turns of events, but the saying goes: You can cry for a lifetime or laugh for a laugh time. Either way, it's a lifetime. Laugh.
"Will tomorrow ever come? Will I make it through the night? Will there ever be a place for the broken in the light? Am I hurting? Am I sad? Should I stay, or should I go?"
Life is full of questions. In fact, that's part of the reasons why I started this post. From my experience, there have been times where I hoped that everything will simply be okay when tomorrow comes around. Well, that works sometimes. In a figurative sense, night and day is what you make of it. Like I mentioned in the previous paragraph, your own attitude can affect your perception of how your life is going.
Of course, in an organization run by imperfect people, you are not going to have a celestial experience. There will be conflicts with your neighbors, regardless of the severity of the issue. How you deal with it can affect your testimony because of the heat of the moment. Regardless of who is giving the offense, it can result in people abandoning the faith and making those who are not of the faith cringe at the otherwise beautiful gospel (Alma 4:10).
I know my family has experienced that in our time in the Church. However, each of us chose to respond differently. It is evident that I am the one still writing to you today and the rest is not here. If you can't build your fellow saints up like it is described in the Book of Mormon (Mosiah 18:8), would you kindly not tear them down? Contention is not of God and giving offense certainly isn't either (D&C 54:5).
My assessment when dealing with offense is this: you are ultimately responsible and accountable for your reactions.
"I've forgotten how to tell. Did I ever even know? Can I take another step? I've done everything I can."
Even people born in the faith question their own testimonies to the gospel. Those who have lived in the Mormon culture have heard stories of people, especially missionary-aged youths, wonder about the religion they were brought into by their parents.
The Book of Mormon prophet, Alma (the son of Alma), had a whole discourse about building and examining our faith (Alma 32). There is no shame in doing so because the Lord promises us that if we desire to know and have done all we can as outlined, He will manifest the answer to us (Moroni 10:4).
Don't just take a step. Take that leap of faith! (D&C 42:51) --> this is just a fun reference, ha ha
"All the people that I see I will never understand."
Honestly, stop worrying about other people! Just strive to be the good person your Heavenly Father expects you to be. With all the wonderful advancements in technology, the Internet has taught us that there are some extremely stupid conducts committed each day and we have so far gained no understanding to why or what inspired people to do them in the first place.
Sometimes, we need to remind ourselves that we are not yet as Job (D&C 121:10).
"If I find a way to change, if I step into the light, then I'll never be the same, and it all will fade to white."
In the most optimistic scenario, we realize that being pessimistic won't make our lives any easier. Bask in the life-giving light of the gospel will ease your burdens. Just remember, it's not an instant magic eraser for your problems. Progress takes time and patience.
Sometimes, a mighty change of heart is simply a change in attitude that will change the direction of your life (Alma 5:12).
Hopefully, we can halt ourselves or others before they dive deeper into the abyss of woe.
"If I make another move, if I take another step, then it all would fall apart. There'd be nothing of me left. If I'm crying in the wind, if I'm crying in the night Will there ever be a way? Will my heart return to white? Can you tell me who you are? Can you tell me where I am? I've forgotten how to see; I've forgotten if I can. If I opened up my eyes there'd be no more going back 'cause I'd throw it all away, and it all would fade to black."
All of us have lost loved ones, or will eventually, and sometimes we lose them in the least expected way. In most cases, giving up should not even be on the list of options. No matter how hopeless you feel in your predicament, it is possible to overcome and be whole. It is never too late (Jeffrey R. Holland, 2012)! Only you can make that choice.
In this life, we can choose to act or be acted upon (2 Nephi 2:14, 16). We are not alone! I know that God loves us and wishes the best for us. I know the Lord is our Savior and Redeemer who is there to help us cope with the challenges in life. As a convert to the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, I am fully aware of my pledge and my stance. I joined because I trusted God and I stayed because I trust in God. The marvelous work in the latter days. I know the gospel is true and I leave these things with you in the name of Jesus Christ, amen.
The following cover to the song will jog your memory of which one I was referring to.
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