Rollercoaster Ride

Sometimes, life feels like that.

From time and again, I feel awesome the one day and terrible the next.  Then, I become rather happy to become completely depressed.  Such is life and its trails.  The funny thing is, I understand the principles of self-worth and the fact that the we tend to judge ourselves worse than we imagine.

Let's face it.  I am 97.5% certain that people feel like that about themselves.  They feel that they are not of worth and in turn, making another person feels the same.  It's probably not on purpose, but guys and girls refuse to see themselves as a person with potential or of interest.

So, what do they do?  They inevitably hurt those around them.  It's an endless vicious cycle.  And thus we see how hard Satan is working in the hearts of men in the latter days.  When I say men, I meant the women too.

For some strange reason, with the exception of the proud, we put ourselves in denial of self-worth and insist on the fact that we are simply not good enough or don't deserve good things.  More interestingly, this mentality seems to dominate the field of personal relationships.  Manifestations of the said issue includes but not limited to romance, family, friends, etc.  I should also point out the phenomenon that these low self-esteem ideals tend to not affect our materialism in this life.

Why is this important?  Because relationships often shape who we become and the characters we develop in this life are one of the few things we can take away with us into the next life.  By destroying the sense of self-worth, we no longer progress.

Here are some typical scenarios of the low self-esteem mentality that I have encountered in my short 23 years:

• I don't think I deserve/could have a nice guy/girl for a companion
• For the rejected: perhaps I'm just not good enough; sometimes this category coincide with the situation above
• I could never have a strong family/faith, etc
• I don't have friends, etc.
• I won't achieve anything in life

Just as a confession, more than one of those things above apply to me.  A person may seem happy-go-lucky, but deep down, that person is hiding some sort of self-inflicted sorrow.

Before you think about how this DOESN'T apply to you, you should think again.  Most people are vulnerable.  We all have heard about how God loves us and have been reminded of our worth.  Unfortunately, those words never sank into our hearts.  We still hold onto the belief that "I'm an exception".  Sometimes, I feel there are two types of people in the Telestial Glory: those who weren't such good people and those who believe that they are worthless.

As Brad Wilcox mentioned, Christ would be begging for us to abide with him, but our own choices and His righteous judgments will ultimately drive us out of God's presence.

What's the point of me writing about this after not blogging for two weeks?  I've been thinking, that's why.

Perhaps the next time you met a nice guy or girl who is interested in you, unless you are genuinely not interested, think about why you are not interested? 

Maybe when you got turned down, you should realize that it's not all you, it's partially them as well?

Maybe you should read your baptismal, temple covenants, etc again if you are feeling unworthy?  If you didn't break the commandments, why droop?

Perhaps look at the people around you, you probably have more friends than you think.  Friends are about quality not quantity.  Knowing a lot of people is called networking.

If you feel you are not going anywhere in life, find out what needs to be changed.  There are more people that are willing to guide and help you than you think.

Bottom line is, I feel we sometimes put ourselves in a position where we have unrealistic images of others and of our own beings.  I truly wish we can understand and love each other for who we are and not the false images we place on each other and ourselves.

It's a Magical World!

It's finally winter!

Wow...I totally haven't updated my blog for two weeks!  That's terrible.  I'm usually not this bad at it, but school got busy and I forgot about updating the blogs-sphere about my "exciting" adventures.

I will just highlight a few things that happened during this past 2 weeks because I can't remember what happened exactly, except for the events today.

It turned out that my first test scores were fairly decent.  They could have been better, but alas, I received what I received.

I started working out again this past two weeks.  While I don't exercise daily, I managed to get a decent amount of work out in a week.  I'm also glad to say that I'm not as scrawny as I thought I was.  I'm actually approaching 150lbs!  At least it's better than my norm, which happens to be around 130s during my high school and first year back from my mission.

I missed out on a lot of parties this week, but the one I didn't miss was Kelli's birthday bash.  It was great to be able to talk to people and interact.  I felt bad for leaving because I was tired.  Then, I went back to the party after a much needed nap.

I think I'm beginning to develop some sort of tolerance towards caffeine...It's taking a larger dose to help me

The Dew!  It will consume me one day!!

achieve the same effect.  In fact, I feel like the effects are delayed in such a way that I end up not sleeping on Saturday night.  Whatever the case, I hope I will find a better way to deal with the ugly Saturday morning shifts.

My best moments this weeks has to be gaining a better understanding toward the concept of prayer.  In addition to that, I think I've had a good number of opportunities to serve those around me.  I felt like a useful human being.

I love talking to people.  Stacey is going to hook me up with some places where I can get the art supplies I've wanted for a while.  I had a decently long conversation with Sarah tonight as well.  It's amazing how people's stories reveal a whole new side to them that has been kept hidden from the world's eyes.  I almost feel like I was doing my own little version of the Story Trek.

Anyways, the Valentine's card is complete and I shall wait and see the fruit of my labors.